Just Being Me

"I found Christian going to church every Sunday is a very ironic thing." "Why?" "So God wants you guys to work for 6days and rest on the 7th day right? But you still have to go church and do so many things in church." "But it's supposed to be an enjoyable thing that'll bring us joy." "But are you happy? Cause I always hear complaints from you guys." 从来没有想过这个问题原来已经越发严重，就连身边的人也觉察了。 服事这条路，从开始的在台上伴唱，到弹keyboard，当司琴，参加诗班，当少团团长，当领唱，到现在还要负责安排敬拜团的服事表，一路走来，我的心情也改变了许多。从一开始的紧张，再来的喜乐，因着服事而带来的成长，一直演变到如今的疲惫与"显"，有时甚至是烦躁生气。又或者，因为忙的关系而没有做最好的预备。 "I always hear complaints" 就像一记当头棒喝，直楞楞敲进心里。原来在别人的眼中，我是做得如此心不甘情不愿。 I guess it's time to change my attitude. It should be joyful instead of stressful. P/s: Thanks baby😅 For reminding me about this, indirectly haha

20160702 最近心情很糟糕，常常因为很小的事情就很难过、生气。我究竟是怎么了呢？ 可能是因为很久没有好好灵修祷告了，越来越不知感恩；可能是因为工作上扰人的人与事；可能是因为没办法定时吃饭，也睡不够。 其实值得感恩的事情还是很多的吧。一直这样心情不好对身边的人应该很困扰。 Sorry if I made you worried. Been mentioning about wedding and marriage a lot recently. Not because 我想结婚了（绝对不是）. I really want to have a "stable life", and being married seems to be the closest to a "stable life". But it's not possible for now since I'm too young. Can only keep praying on getting a room in Singapore, so that I can officially move my stuffs in. Being homeless and 游牧民族 isn't fun at all. I'm so tired of all these. 未来到底会怎样，我怎么忽然开始彷徨。

20151107 是的现在半夜十二点了。 I'm really glad that I found him. I really love you and happy to be with you. 但是心里其实是很担心的，因为不是基督徒的关系，我知道这条路可能会比较艰难。但是真的很希望可以好好地走到最后。真的是不知所措心乱如麻。 Finally got to sing in Friday ensemble class. I was a little bit nervous haha. But I still made it. Although it was'nt really good :( Here's a part of the performance. November please be nice.

2015.08.11 And so I received a gift (for no reason) from my student's mother. Thank God I met someone so kind that even let me stay at their house. And now she bought me a perfume out of sudden. I'm really really thankful! <3 There's still so many people that love me. Thank God that let Tiann and Z be my best friend. Whenever I'm feeling down, they are the people that can cheer me up with just a sentence. Thank God that I had a great holiday with friends and family. Although I somebody faded out from my life, but I still have y'all to brighten my life. Oh yea, Innisfree's products are damn nice! Must try! Ok, I'm done here. 9am class tomorrow. Sighs. But still, looking forward to tomorrow! Hiak hiak!

2015.08.04 Aha! I'm really feeling ok now. Finally, after three months of sadness. School has started. I actually hate this question: "What kind of music do you like?" and "Why are you here in Lasalle?" Because I don't really know the answer. Because I have nothing else to do. I've been thinking about what should I do in the future. But yea, "我活着是为讨神喜悦而活". Although I still only think about myself most of the time>< 忙了一天一静下来整个人忽然觉得寂寞了起来。Why can't I just enjoy my single life, haiz== 虽然很累但是不想睡觉，开着电脑听着EDM/Dance的歌突然觉得很顺耳满好听的哈哈。 Anw真的应该要睡了，明天又是九点的课。 不能带着黑眼圈见明天的朋友哈哈。

2015.07.27 #firstpostinenglish Just realised that I haven't been single for more than 5 years. It's very hard to move on. Whenever I see him around, which I really cannot avoid to see him, my heart was being torn apart. Like every single time. But luckily, when he's not around, I would be fine. School's starting in a week, I won't be seeing him so often anymore. Was telling a new friend about my exes yesterday night. Suddenly feel that I was a terrible girl. Haiz. Things just get complicated when you can't really get them out of your life after breaking up with them. Always lost myself in a relationship and this still isn't the worst part. I literally forgot about God when I was together with someone. I put him before Him. Maybe it's time to focus on myself and the most important-God. Psalm 62:8 Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts before Him. God is our refuge. 你們眾民當時時倚靠他，在他面前傾心吐意，神是我們的避難所。 Learning to trust in H...

2015.07.22 ＃真的很抱歉 先说说今天吧。 家里忽然停电，我忽然想吃Oreo McFlurry。所以载着弟弟到了Taman Daya的McD却发现机器坏了没有雪糕。因为想吃的心情太迫切，便决定去Taman Mount Austin的，结果！也是坏掉！是倒了几辈子的霉啊！？ 但是后来，妈妈说带我们一起去Tebrau City，然后就在那里吃到了抹茶雪糕啦！ 出发前还有神奇的小插曲。因为我忘了我到底有没有锁门，所以我们又绕了回去。 结果却发现妈妈的两个学生就在门口呢，妈妈就说补习已经取消了让他们回家。 我一直感觉这件小事其实也是上帝的安排！ －－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－ 进入正题。 我真的不是故意要放飞机，故意要忽略朋友，故意要看轻友谊的。 我是一个同性朋友很少的人，所以比起异性朋友，我会更加地看重同性朋友。为了同性朋友而放异性朋友的飞机真的也不是我想要的…… 平日里就是大剌剌的人，这点很多朋友都知道的吧。就是那种朋友很多，却也朋友很少的那种人。 已读不回也是因为我真的忙才会真的忘记的，心里真的是又愧疚，又无奈。 对不起，不是故意的... 要做到既不黏人，又看重人真的是好难。 很多时候，我只想窝在家里睡一整天。